I’ve been wanting to write about mom-guilt for the longest time because, if I’m being honest, it’s part of my everyday life.

My friends and I are constantly talking about the guilt we feel—when we leave for work, when we carve out a little time for ourselves, or when we drive away to work after seeing our child cry for us. It’s a painful reality that so many mothers share.

But recently, I realised something. Talking about mom-guilt, while validating, because it’s so real, doesn’t actually help us move forward. We already know it exists. We already know we have to do what we have to do. So what if, instead of focusing on the guilt, we focused on something else?

I started thinking about my favourite part of the day, and without a doubt, it’s the time I spend with my son. The little things he does. The excited squeal when I walk through the door. The warm, pudgy hand reaching out for mine. The bedtime cuddles. The laughter over the silliest games. And that’s when it struck me—I don’t want to write about mom-guilt. I want to write about mom-joy.

The guilt is heavy. It wears us down. But the joy—the little everyday glimmers—is what fills us back up.

So the next time guilt starts creeping in, remind yourself of all the ways you pour into your child’s happiness. The DIY birthday parties. The playdates you organise just to see that smile on their face. The fun, healthy recipe-reels you save and then try to recreate, and the occasional unhealthy treats too. The holidays you plan with them in mind. The way your exhaustion melts away the moment you walk through the door and they come running to you. The way you somehow find the energy to give them that one hour of your complete, undivided attention, even after the longest day.

And sometimes, that is enough.

The bedtime stories. The sleepy cuddles. Being there when they wake up frightened in the middle of the night, only to drift back to sleep the moment they feel your arms around them. Being the first face they look for in the morning.

Sometimes, that’s all a child really needs. 

A mother who is present when she is with them. A mother who is their safe place. A mother they trust will always come back home.

I’m so glad that millennial moms are beginning to prioritise their mental health too—or at least, we’re trying. Because happy mothers don’t have to be perfect mothers. And children don’t need perfect mothers either. They need mothers who are emotionally available, who love deeply, and who allow themselves enough grace to keep showing up.

The pediatric ophthalmologist in me still feels guilty when I’m at work because I’ve left my own child at home while I care for someone else’s. But becoming a mother has made me a far more empathetic doctor. I understand parents’ fears in a way I never could before. I celebrate their children’s victories as if they were my own. And strangely enough, caring for children every day reminds me that I’m doing my own job as a mother fairly well too.

Maybe we don’t need to eliminate mom-guilt completely. Maybe it will always show up in little ways because love and guilt often seem to travel together. But perhaps we can choose not to let guilt be the loudest voice.

Let’s make room for mom-joy too.

Because years from now, our children probably won’t remember whether we stayed an extra hour at work. They’ll remember how safe they felt in our hugs, how loudly we laughed with them, how excited they were when we came home, and how deeply they knew they were loved.

And maybe that’s what motherhood is really about.