I promised myself (and you) that I would write more often and so I decided that today, I would write on a topic very close to my heart.

Every-time we celebrate India’s Independence day, the realist in me, whilst being extremely grateful for our freedom, always wonders how free we really are when it comes to social evils. Today as we celebrate our 76th independence day, I want to focus on body-shaming, specifically dusky skin-shaming.

Having watched the second season of ‘Made in Heaven’ (which is brilliant, btw), I decided that I had to write on this topic. If women feel that they need to resort to Glutathione injections to become fairer, something is very wrong.

Every Indian girl who does not have milky-white skin, or is not ‘fair’ by Indian standards has gone through this shaming and feeling of inadequacy at some point of their life. Or if not the girl, her mother definitely has! Because of course, she didn’t work hard enough during her pregnancy to have a ‘fair’ child and she’s definitely not doing enough to keep her ‘dark’ child from getting tanned, now. The fact that the child is healthy and well, is obviously secondary.

People have actually said things to me like, “Oh, but your parents are fair”, “You would be much prettier if you were fair” etc. I would have had tonnes of repressed childhood trauma if it wasn’t for my parents who were firmly against this deranged mindset, and reminded me every time that beauty is only skin-deep and that I was beautiful just the way I was but that didn’t really stop me from trying face creams/face packs/home-made concoctions and even some fairness soaps, to try to become fairer. It wasn’t even something I really wanted, it was just an attempt to validate myself.

When I decided that I wanted to write this post, I spoke to friends and cousins to see if they had been through the same journey, and I realised that every one, irrespective of their skin tone, has been in the same boat. A friend whose skin tone is 3-4 shades lighter than mine, had parents who were chided by their parents for moving to the city from a village because her cousins were so much fairer. Another friend who is adequately fair as per Indian standards told me how her mother who is dusky in comparison was always made to feel inferior to her father who is fair, but was praised for AT LEAST managing to produce fair offsprings. I wonder if those adults realised then, how much a child actually absorbs, and how those memories stay for life. They might have not even been traumatic memories, but they linger on in a child’s subconscious memory, which perpetuates all sorts of insecurities well into their adult life.

Sadly, I even know women of my generation, who have actually made statements like, “I was terrified when my baby was born dark, thank God he/she is fair now.” And this discrimination is not only limited to women, many of my male friends, and also my husband have at times, been compared or made to feel inadequate simply because of the colour of their skin.

I think, as well-informed adults, it is our duty to quash this unhealthy mentality. We cannot change an established mindset, that I am sure of. So let us not aim to change the older generation’s mind, because it will be futile. But what we can do, is protect the future generation. Our children, our nieces and nephews, our little patients and any other child who we feel is being subjected to injustice or being treated differently by their family or others, only because of the colour of the skin. If any one passes a casual, discriminatory remark, be firm and put them in their place, in front of the child. Children learn what they see, and they should learn that they do not need to put up with being disrespected, or have their parents be disrespected.

My friends, I and many other women and men, have been through it and grown out of it, finally finding peace with our selves and our place in the world. But wouldn’t it be easier if the next generation need not ever go through the same? If they are allowed to swim as much as they want and play on the beach without worrying if they’re getting tanned.

If they understand that they’re using sunscreen and sun protective wear to protect themselves from skin cancer and signs of aging and not just to prevent themselves from becoming dark? If they can laugh at someone older and explain to them, that drinking Chai doesn’t make you dark, and that it is only your genetic makeup that decides.

I truly believe that it is our responsibility to make the world a better, kinder place for the next generation. We may not be able to change the world, but we can at least embarrass the guilty and thus, help change a little child’s world.

Sharing pictures of my gorgeous girls and I.

Dusky, but just as lovely!