When someone close to you dies, it saddens you deeply. But when someone who owns a part of your heart dies, a part of you dies too.
It is an emotion impossible to understand for someone who hasn’t experienced it first hand.
Your future emotions are warped and will remain so indefinitely and possibly, forever.
Happiness always tinged with sorrow that your loved one isn’t physically a part of it. When your loss makes you experience sorrow, it’s always tinged with some happiness, thinking of a happy memory you shared with them.
Grief is something that is very persistent. It is a feeling that changes your life completely.
Losing a parent, a spouse or a child is the worst possible pain. It changes you as a person.
I was fortunate not to feel such grief until now. Grief that will forever live with me. That which becomes a part of my very being.
Like a true friend who will never leave your side, except that it isn’t a friend at all.
It can show up both when you’re alone and when you’re in a crowd.
When you’re watching a TV show or when you’re sitting in solitude.
The pain that knocks the wind out of you, those silent tears that choke your throat till you feel you can’t breathe anymore.
The pain that might slowly mend but will leave a scar that will burn sharply every time you’re hit by a wave of nostalgia. The pain that actually feels good because it’s accompanied by the very same nostalgia that caused it.
The knowledge that no future achievement or event will ever be the same. It will always be tinged with grief and longing.
What soothes this grief is: hope, faith and gratitude.
Hope, for a better tomorrow, to move forward gracefully, be the person they would want you to be and live to make them proud.
Faith, that one day you will meet again, and oh the stories you’ll share.
And most importantly, gratitude, for having had them in your life, for the people they were, for having memories to last a lifetime and for the better person this loss has made you grow to become.
(I used pictures of our 2015 family trip to Bali because the memories of the brilliant time we spent there are fresh in my mind)
An Eye on Life - The adventures of an Ophthalmologist 
Lovely Marushka….. People say cherish the memories but it is so hard to do when you can’t accept/believe the reality.
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Very true, Poovandri.
Words of comfort, however kindly meant offer very little comfort actually. At the end of the day, they’re just words.
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Marushka…you have expressed your feeling so well…dad would send links of your blogs and was so proud of them all…he will be happy and thrilled and proud of you wherever he is…we miss him terribly
Take care dear
Dr Maria Joao
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Thanks alot Dr Joao, I used to always tease him that he was biased and every parent thinks their child’s writing is good 😂
I miss him terribly too.
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Very beautifully written. I am truly sorry for your loss. Not sure you remember me. Your father and I worked together in GMC, Muscat too. You attended parties at my place in MCT. Your dad was always the life of the party. I hope your mum is doing well. I think about her often too. I am Leanne Demello’s aunt. Please give my best to your mum. Hugs kiddo.
Much love . Anne D’souza
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Thanks A.Anne.
Of course I remember you, U.Trevor, Daniella, Donna and the good times in Oman.
I agree, Dad was always the life and soul of every party. Thank you for your condolence. Dad had told me that you and Lianne’s mum are sisters.
I’ll convey your wishes to mom. Thanks again 🙂
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Beautifully written. I could connect with every word. So meaningful and true. God bless you Dr. Marushka 🙂
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Thanks, Lee-Anne. So glad you felt the post. 😘
And please just call me Marushka. 🙄
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Deeply moved by your feelings Marushka.
The loss of a person as wonderful as Dr Rodney is felt by all of us. But much like his character, I hope you know you’re full of strength .
lots of love.
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Thanks alot, Aunty. Love you.
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Beautifully written, touched my heart Marushka . Your dad was and will be very proud of you my dear. Cherish the sweet memories. Your dad is missed by everyone who knew him. He had a radiant smile and a great spirit. You and your family are always in our thoughts and prayers. Love always
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Thanks, U.Desi. I know you really feel the pain of loss too. Need to keep pushing on and making them proud 🙂
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Beautifully written Maru. This is a piece captured so well and written from your heart. I know dad’s will be really proud of you wherever he is ❤
loads of love to you!
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Thanks, Misha. ❤️
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Your words bought tears in my eyes
You write so well and your dad would be so proud! I remember he too had the gift of writing : you got it from him!
Treasure every memory: we still remember our good old Sohar times together : wish we could turn back time!!!
Sheela Aunty
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Thanks aunty. Those indeed were the days 🙂
Hope you all are doing well and staying safe!
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Love this, and I couldn’t agree more. This reminded me of something I wrote recently about how grief sometimes stays just under the surface, ready to visit at anytime; I will share it with you. Would also like to add that we feel this much grief since we were fortunate enough to feel so much love through their presence!
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Exactly! We’re so blessed to be girls who have such amazing fathers. I hope we make them proud ❤️
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Oh we already have🥰
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