Blogging as a mom has quite a different feel to it. 

I’ve been wanting to do a post on life after a baby, for so long now. But, I just haven’t been able to find the time.

It’s not that I’ve been physically busy all this while, but to write, you need to sort out your thoughts, and my over-thinking ‘mom brain’ has found time only now, while the baby naps, to write. I’m writing now while the memories are fresh, in the hope that it helps moms in the trenches of the early newborn period, that it resonates with the seasoned moms who have “been there and done that” and that it reminds me how far I’ve grown as a mother, and how every phase is transient, when I’m having a particularly bad day. 

After a relative easy and I’d go so far to say “perfect” pregnancy, the initial few weeks of postpartum were a rude shock. 

I’ve always known that I wanted to be a mother. I love children which is why I chose to become a paediatric ophthalmologist. 

So, obviously, I expected to bond instantly with my baby. Love at first sight? Not quite. 

Writing this post obviously isn’t easy, but I wasn’t one of those moms who fell in love with her baby the minute I saw him. Of course, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for this blessing, but I was so exhausted – both mentally and physically, with my birth plan not working out, that I felt unsure of everything moving forward. My earlier confidence and positivity had vanished. 

When my baby cried, I thought he’d stop instantly if I cuddled him. I thought that he’d recognise my voice and find instant comfort. That didn’t happen either. He cried harder, because he was hungry, and I hadn’t started breastfeeding yet, and it was only when the nurses swooped in and fed him formula, that he was comforted. 

So i’m guessing it wasn’t instant love for him either. 

I remember whispering to my husband once, asking him if he loved our baby unconditionally and I can never forget how shocked he was, when he realised that I wasn’t sure if I did just yet.

The world over-romanticises these warm, fuzzy feelings, and when they don’t happen instantly, we think we’re broken. 

I was filled with so much love, and I wanted to transfer it to my baby so very much, but it just hadn’t happened yet. 

Then the breastmilk came in, and we started learning, both my baby and I, how to make it work for us. We struggled initially, oh how we struggled. 

Despite being a doctor, attending a class on lactation, reading so much and basically knowing everything there was to know, we failed. Multiple times. 

Until we didn’t. 

It clicked and it was beautiful. Probably the most beautiful feeling ever, it still is. Breastfeeding my baby is now my favourite time of the day. So much so, that a part of me secretly hopes that he never sleeps through the night, and wakes up at least once to feed, so that we get our time, just Mama and baby. 

If you ask me when it was, that I actually fell in love with my baby, I wouldn’t be able to point out an actual moment. I thought it would be a beautiful realisation and kept waiting for it to kick in, but it was never an actual moment, for me. 

In between all the crying, both mine and his, all the contact naps, all the diaper changes and sleepless nights, I fell in love. With his perfect form and perfect face. With his warm body, with the smell of his head. With him. With the child I’d loved before I even knew him, before I even understood that this love wouldn’t feel like other love does, it would trickle in slowly and sneakily, until it was a sea of emotions so strong, nothing could wipe it away. 

I do realise that I’m rambling. Is rambling a mom-thing? 🙂

So, I’m going to put down what really helped ease my post-partum period. 

1.) Accepting that I needed a village to raise my baby. 

My postpartum blues would have spiralled into actual postpartum depression without my husband, my mom and our immediate family. No gratitude will ever be enough. 

A part of me wanted to be my baby’s sole comfort provider. I didn’t want to delegate anything. But, giving in to a lady who helped us by bathing and oil massaging him for the initial two months, gave us a much needed break! My husband and I now give our baby an oil massage and bathe our baby ourselves, because we enjoy this bonding, but at that time, delegating the task really helped.

2.) Defying the “Sleep when the baby sleeps” principle. 

I don’t regret not sleeping when my baby slept because that was the only time I got to myself. Maybe I was less rested, but the little social media scrolling that I got to do, the small reminder of my old life, and seeing people who weren’t in the trenches of postpartum, who were doing things that the “pre-baby me” would do, kept me sane. 

3.) Starting to go out. 

A little bit, everyday. The grocery store runs, walks around the block, the fresh air really helped.

4.) Audiobooks and warm showers. 

Popping my airpods in and listening to an audiobook whilst rocking my baby to sleep, or holding him while he contact napped, helped so much. I’ve ‘read’ more in this period than I did in a loooong time. I still do it sometimes when rocking him to sleep. 

Hot showers were my best friend. Still are. 

5.) Realising that Mothers really do know best. 

Not my baby’s mom, but mine. 

My mother swooped in, being the superwoman that she is, set a schedule for us and made everything well. There’d be times where my baby would be bawling his eyes out with my husband and I but he’d instantly calm down with mom. The amount of love she showered on us is unimaginable. 

6.) My friends!

Oh, how blessed am I to have such a wonderful tribe of women in my friend circle.

My friends and cousins who totally rallied around us. Right from checking in on me every other day during my pregnancy to being super supportive during my postpartum period. From listening to my rants, to giving excellent advice on life and motherhood, and to just being there. 

And it wasn’t just my mom friends, but also the ones who aren’t yet moms and even the ones who’ve chosen to be child-free! Everyone made sure that my baby and I were doing well and just a text checking in could really make my day! 

Also, they were so generous with presents and hand-me-downs that my son has enough clothes/books/toys for a long, long time! 

7.) My #NewMomsClub

The reels we send back and forth are such fun and so darn accurate. Instagram’s algorithm probably helps! Not even talking about the pictures of diaper blow-outs we’ve shared. I’m lucky to have so many good friends who delivered at around the same time, and I’ve also made new friends with the bonding we’ve done.

Misery loves company and Joy begets joy. We have both types of days. More of the latter now, SO many more! 

As our babies grow up together, so do we as Mamas. 

8.) Being authentic.

I think i’m the proudest of myself for this. For even being able to write this post. For sharing my experience with others and helping my friends who are yet to reach this phase. 

For posting on social media only when I felt happy and was in a good place, and avoiding posting when I was barely surviving. 

For reaching out for help whenever I need it and treating myself if it’s been a particularly hard day. 

For embracing my natural curls and learning to love them. (Still a work in progress, still a long way to go)

9.) Remembering that the days are long but the years are short.

This is something that really resonated with me and I made it my mantra even through the bad days. I’m glad that I now have a gazillion pictures and videos of my baby. That when the crying faded, we glowed in the calm. 

That I can proudly say that I felt every emotion and didn’t let those small moments pass me by. That I still make a big deal of every small milestone. That I always will. 

And that though we have a long way to go, with so much to learn, every phase is special and won’t come back. 

They’re only this little once. 

10.) Practicing self-care

I was so busy with work and life pre-baby, that I stopped doing things that brought me joy. 

I’m finally enjoying my maternity leave and prioritising my health, by eating healthy, drinking water and exercising. Baking is back, with the joy it brings. And apparently, writing is back too! 

Date nights have a new meaning for my husband and I. Having dinner together in our cozy home, watching a sitcom episode after putting the baby to sleep, is our new normal. Yes, we only manage one episode before we feel sleepy, or are woken up, but we wouldn’t trade it in for anything! 

And of course, what really gets you through it all, is the little bundle of joy who makes every day so much better, without whom you can’t imagine existing anymore and who makes every struggle so worth it!

For them, we moms would do it all over again!