The holidays are lovely and are a time of cheer and merriment. What isn’t so lovely is the holiday grief that accompanies it! The worst part about grief is about how constant it is and how irreparably it can damage your emotions.

‘Holiday Grief’ on the other hand, is a bit of a Catch-22 situation which makes it even worse.

You cannot truly experience the joy of the holiday season you enjoyed previously, because of your grief, and neither can you grieve because of the general assumption that one is supposed to enjoy the holidays!

Everyone who has experienced grief knows how it feels. It doesn’t matter how long ago it was that you started to grieve, but once it’s in your life, it stays. Most days you have it under control, but suddenly out of the blue, it springs up on you and you’re reeling from the emotions surrounding it. The emotional surge that we as humans, just aren’t fully equipped to handle.

Christmas and the other holidays which are a time of joy can sometimes paradoxically ignite this stream of emotions that makes the whole season pretty confusing.

It’s okay to feel over-whelmed, to feel guilty because your loved one is missing it, to feel incomplete because they aren’t a physical part of your celebration, to feel wistful that they never will.

It doesn’t matter how long it’s been or how many Christmasses have passed. The sudden surge of emotions is always there.

You can be putting up hand-picked ornaments on the Christmas tree or passionately following a Pinterest inspiration when you suddenly remember that lighting the tree was their favourite part of the tradition, and you feel the enthusiasm rushing out of you.

You can be asking a child what Santa Claus brought them and remember how you almost caught your lost loved one sneaking a present under the tree, as Santa.

What helps during this season is to be kind. To yourself and to others experiencing the same.

Take breaks, take a walk down memory-lane, practice gratitude for the good times spent and try to let go of guilt.

What helps me most is thinking of the good times and carrying that joy into these new times that may be incomplete, and might not be as happy because of your loss, but are still special because of the loved ones you still have.

Give yourself the freedom to choose what you want to do.

It’s okay if you want to celebrate, and it’s fine if you don’t feel like it.

If you want to do all the holiday prep and suddenly feel like you aren’t interested anymore.

If you’re grateful for the normalcy the holidays bring or if you just want the season to get over.

It’s okay to be happy one moment and down in the dumps, the next. It’s normal and it’s part of the process of grief.

It’s perfectly fine if the season doesn’t feel as magical as it used to because that is just the cost of how deep your love is.

As for the other people, the lucky ones who haven’t experienced loss, you can empathise with the person grieving.

You don’t have to make it better for them, because no one really can, but you can give them their space and they’ll probably bounce back. That’s the thing with people who’ve experienced profound grief, they have coping mechanisms that work well and help them to move forward with grace and strength, more than they’d ever had before.

Don’t criticise how any one celebrates the holidays or why they aren’t being festive enough. Whilst you might be doing it out of kindness and concern, it just compounds their guilt.

And while my post may too morbid for a Christmas morning, I am truly grateful for all my loved ones and for the birth of our Saviour.

Just thought I’d share my thoughts of a difficult process for everyone who might not be feeling too Christmassy this morning but is still making an effort.

Because remember, just because someone carries it well, doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy!