I’ve been wanting to write about Imposter Syndrome for the longest time because I find myself grappling with it sometimes and it is extremely hard to beat.

I had a surgical complication last week after a really long time and suddenly my string of successful surgeries hardly mattered anymore, or lets say ‘did not’ matter anymore to me. I began to question my skill as a surgeon and wondered if I had made it so far just by a stroke of luck. It did not matter that the complication was handled well, and that the patient’s vision did not suffer, all that mattered was that it was my complication.

How silly is it to even think this way? Why do we think so little of ourselves, sometimes? Whilst we are so kind to comfort a colleague about their surgical complication and assure them that this is a one-off thing which could happen to anyone – even the most experienced surgeon, why are we so harsh with ourselves? Why are we so quick to question our own worth?

I believe Imposter syndrome is higher amongst medical students and doctors because we are so used to doing well and over-achieving, that the one time you hit a roadblock, everything seems to collapse around you. Aiming for perfection and always setting our targets higher does get exhausting. I felt better and reassured only after further successful surgeries, but the question is – how much can you self-validate without finally breaking down?

I am sure that Imposter syndrome has hit every one of us at some point of our career and will continue to hit us from time to time. It is a horrible feeling and I am yet to find a way to beat it. But I have found that talking about it helps. I spoke to a couple of friends about it and realised that almost everyone had felt the same way. Its also important to remember that you can’t get this far by being an imposter. Poor work and a lack of knowledge would not go un-noticed for long and everything cannot be luck. If it were sheer dumb luck, we’d be some of luckiest people alive to have made it so far. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all the people, all the time.

I have now decided to give myself a little treat every time I have a complication. Sounds funny, but it is the same thing I would do for a friend to cheer her up, so why shouldn’t I do the same for myself? Besides learning from the complication, obviously.

So lets try to offer ourselves compassion and kindness at these times when we need it most, because in the aftermath of a complication, we could go either way, there is a person inside us ready to crumble and feel like an unworthy imposter, and another person with a realistic perspective who can learn a lot from the situation and turn it around.

Let me know if you have any ways to beat Imposter syndrome and remember that we didn’t come this far, to ONLY come this far!